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Adult children on the neck of the parents. Typical errors of parents

Розміщено : 26-01-2017, 08:12 | Категорія: Psychology | Переглядів: 168   
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Adult children on the neck in adults, parents

Often parents before the end of his life contain children or provide them with substantial financial support. Help with the housework, take care of the creation of housing conditions, take a large part of the care of grandchildren for themselves and solve all the other problems. Only when forces and means are not enough, you start thinking about how to shoot with his long-suffering neck and long beloved adult child who settled there with all the amenities, and even swung his legs. To avoid this, we should be clear those errors and the reasons that lead to immaturity and consumer attitude in adult life.
1. Everything is under control

Most parents feel so much better when the child lives at home. "So less likely to get in any trouble," mom and dad. Start to live your life this "child" is less likely. And to become an adult and independent person. But only the knowledge and skills themselves do not appear. This is either taught by parents, friends, street, or have to learn everything yourself, unfortunately, their own mistakes. But how can you gain experience and become responsible, if the parents are protected? And why, if the house is "warm, light and flies do not bite"?

2. The uncertainty in the forces and abilities of the children

Or rather, the uncertainty that you have brought such a man, who will be able to live independently. Yes, life is difficult. But the best way to prepare for the future is to create it. While parents do not realize that their main duty is not just to grow, but also to prepare for independent living, there are still many reasons to keep grown-up child to his tired neck.
3. The desire to give the best life

"I had so many problems, even if my leshenka will be spared from this". Torment and twist in life, parents are trying to save children from this. The paradox is that the mistakes of others to learn is not very impossible. Your own bumps and bruises are remembered much better. Unfortunately, in relation to their children parents for some reason do not want to realize.
4. A sense of guilt towards children

Many parents, especially those who worked hard and was often away from home, tend to feel guilty. When the children were young, they had to leave for grandparents and other relatives at the time of his study and work. It is now possible to give attention to them. That's just grown-up kids already feel the burden of such care because they have other "toys" and, quite possibly, soon to be their kids.
5. Rose-colored glasses

"My child is the smartest, most talented, most, most..." — these words can often hear from moms overgrown fellow, who continue to live under a parent's wing and to depend on parents. The question of why such wonderful could not find at least some work, is not even discussed. Just try to indicate to parents the discrepancy between the remarkable qualities of the child realities, become the enemy No. 1. But anyone who wants to work looks for means who doesn't want — looking for reasons. In order not to work, you can find a lot of excuses (low salary, work not in the specialty, lack of prospects), but none of them will make careers, or at least to achieve sustainability at work.
6. The business of life

If children is the only project which has all the force and resources (a sort of beam of light in the darkness), from such a project is impossible to refuse. While the child is small, the life of a parent (usually mom) is dedicated to its education and training: clubs, dancing, Tutors. Such people often say that life gave to the child. They want the grown-up child now her life was dedicated to them. And to let them go — all the same what to give up on your dreams. But the growing up of children is inevitable. And their care, most likely, too. So better to be prepared and, most importantly, to prepare the child for independent living. But some parents — and ourselves growing up.
Continued on the next page

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